The Joy Of Coming Home!!

                                               (I) 

Here as I sit alone by the window of a moving bus
In the depth of the night... the wind dancing in its tune
I peep out the window.. the half moon smiles at me!!
The sky is clearer than usual.. the stars a very few...
It is then that i wonder.. why is my heart so longing for someone
A friend to talk to...
Life was simple back when all the mind was worried about was my turn at the playground...
Somewhere in understanding the aspects of life and taking up responsibilities for my actions...
I forgot altogether what life was as a kid!!
Now that there is but time.. Too short to let go...
And pretty an uphill task to do.
                                                 (II)
Schedules start early in the morning and the day progresses swiftly into the night!!
Hectic as the days have become... The flesh is still to cope with this rush...
This routine of office to room and room to office goes on in a hush!!
Together we stay a lucky lot.. As roommates and friends away from home...
Still at times even as roommates we become strangers at room
A while passes by since having a talk with a roommate..
Few months pass by since playing a prank on a roommate..
Still in the beginning when the place of work was as alien as could be...
people staring at us... Language a totally new thing to learn...
It were these roommates we fell upon each other... in learning the ways of a new place!!
                                                   (III)
Now that a few years have passed... this place seems familiar...
The language easy as a cake... The people friendly as one of our own...
Yet at times this thought somehow hurts.. Its been so long that I am away from home...
I have commitments to attend to at office and yet another few to tend to at home!!
Travelling from place of work to home... is a one of a kind feeling,,
A happiness unexplained...
A chance rarely obtained once in a few months...
And when I reach home... I crave for the language,the food,the bookstores and the temples..
That had once been my ally when I was preparing for a job...
So few a days for the holidays... Half of it goes in travelling to and fro..
The Joy of coming home is all that stays until the next time...
And so comes one fine morning while at home,I pack my bags coz towards office its time to go!!

The Cultured And Civilized Humans!!!!

Hello readers. Well, since I started writing against the double-edged society in our country, people have been slashing out at me for being unfriendly and harsh. News for them is, here's some more.

But first, my dear readers, I humbly ask of you to rewind a few years more than a decade and think- what did we do during holidays or festivals? Bought balloons, toys, lots of melody chocolates, spent quality time with our families and of course stood for at least ten minutes or more in front of the idols or the ceremonies. We walked with sandals, sometimes barefoot too, and friendships, family-bonding, all had their healthy share of time.
      Okay. End of dream. What do we do now? Oh, I forgot, in the mean time, we have grown up. I am going to give you a picture of a typical present-day festival in my state.
      It was Puja season and probably all of East India has holidays in this season. So here was I, tired of racing for nothing with this world, wasting off my holidays also. I thought to visit the nearby celebrations, for a change. There has been enigmatic rise in population, one could see from the roaring crowd. I walked towards the raised dais slowly where the idol of Goddess Laxmi, adorned with colorful saree and flowers and jewels.The aarti ceremony that took place was grand where the praises of the goddess were sung describing her gumption and valor. The sweet fragrance of incense added to the charm. Oh! How beautiful! I sighed in satisfaction. And then the moment of realization struck. Where were all the people, I wondered!

Just as I got out of the pandal, I saw them- all cluttered around in small eateries and bargain shops and a variety of other stalls in the pallishree mela that was held this time during the puja. So that's why they come to a puja nowadays, I thought. One fine gentleman bargained a Rs 750 item all the way down to Rs 250, and then decided against buying it! All the hard work of 20 minutes and the shopkeeper didn't even get a penny! No doubt why those shopkeepers behave rudely with the customers now-a-days! Half of the grown-ups were talking with their friends in their hi-tech phones while the odd grandma attended the aarti ceremony with the maid of the house. The children, also grown-ups, seemed to be clinging on to the moment for tradition's sake. Poor goddess!! I say this not because am an atheist… I do believe in the grace and divinity of the Gods…. But because I saw people were eager to finish off the proceedings during the puja ASAP and get back to the other attractions during the Puja(Read on and find out for yourself)

The ladies at the Pallishree Mela were busy in doing two things- gossip.. and shopping.I couldn’t figure out which one out of the two things they were doing more!! (Some of them seemed keen on shoplifting too!) I would rather shoot myself in the foot than endure the torture of shopping with ladies during a festival.. I sighed!! No matter what store they went to.. "I don't like this", "this is too itchy", "this is too big", "I'm hungry", "Do you have this item or that or that or that.."(which they aren't selling and she knows fully well but can't accept that), "this isn't the right color".. etc. Even the eatery stalls weren’t being spared.. a few seemingly well mannered ladies(well mannered I say coz they were sweet talking.. the epitome of politeness and humility ha!!) for the sake of taste were tasting one by one each of the available item in the shops.. their most commonly used phrases… bhaiya can I taste some of these? How does that thing taste!! Is that thing there mitha or teekha.. Na this doesn’t taste that good what else do you have??Observing these peculiarly strange behaviour.. I remembered a quote I had read somewhere.. It goes like this:”Where women are concerned.. The unexpected always happens…” I mean why aren't they a little less complex? But, after all, ladies are ladies,and that is the beauty of it… I guessed, and moved on to the cultural acts.

The cultural acts were amazing with the paika dance form which attracted me the most. It's a form of battle dance. They danced a fiery battle dance while drums played on. It was more like a clarion call urging the dancers to get ready for a fiery battle ahead. The vigor and physical excitement of the dancers was worthy of notice. I enjoyed the most there. But what shot my resentment to top-notch was that this was being witnessed by a handful of individuals. I asked to one of the performers, "Don't you feel disheartened with this low turnout?" Said he, "What to do! Our work is to try and revive these cultures and we would continue doing that. People say they follow western culture now. They don't know how famous is our dances in the west. Idiots have learned to wear sunglasses and tiny dresses only." I could not agree more. There was time for gossip and dirty politics but no time for appreciation of art of top level.
          Speaking of dance and time for appreciation brings into my mind another sight worth mentioning which I observed on my way back to home from the mela.… Right across the place where pallishree mela was being held some 500 mts apart there was an orchestra band with juvenile dance girls for crowd entertainment….. well such an enormous crowd was being entertained that day that it virtually brought all the traffic into a standstill… as for the dancing girls and their costumes as well as the dual meaning songs and tunes they were dancing to…I better leave that to your imagination!!! No wonder why such a crowd had gathered for “ENTERTAINMENT”  
      Well, there was some more time, but all these things had already flared up my rage against the dual views of today's society again. Lest I vent out all my frustration on someone, I quickly returned home and started writing!! The question I asked myself is we call ourselves culturally civilized race of the 21^st century… Are we really??? Well the happenings around us don’t quite prove our claim to be correct… In fact the facts and statistics (of crime rate, oppression, atrocities against women and a hell lot of other such issues) speak otherwise!!

PISS...

Hi, dear reader, before you form an opinion about this post reading just its title, which I am sure few of you would already have, the moment you read the caption, I would like to ask you a few questions. I asked myself before writing this post. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN

1. No one listens to you?

2. Even fewer people understand you?

3. There are a lot of things that bug your mind and yet you find yourself so very helpless to do anything about it?

4. The level of irritated frustration rises so high that you can’t concentrate on anything else...

All these questions when I asked myself I got only 1 answer which is I write about those at my blog. Sometimes it is well accepted, sometimes it may not, at other times it isn’t even responded to and again never ever discussed!! but that doesn't stop me from writing what I feel should be written out and also wont stop me coz I know if I don’t, I wont be at peace.

This is one of the reasons why I decided to write about the title you just read... Thank you for your patience dear reader I would now raise the curtains on what exactly drove me to write about PISS and don’t be shocked from the beginning, I guarantee you, there are plenty of those in the subsequent follow through all over this post!!

Since India or Indians on behalf of the country decided to stand up against corruption, there have been many instances which constantly remind me of PISS... I bet you know the dictionary meaning of the word...but trust me, this is different, my own acronym for a long sentence....

Let go off all your fears and inhibitions reader, for I now welcome you to the Pathetic Indian Societal Scenario (which is what I will mean henceforth when I mention PISS)

PISS is a post springing up from pain,frustration,anger,helplessness and all things negative that can ever enter your brain as humans, things that had long been suppressed but cant be held within any longer!! The reason?? A book THE WHITE TIGER by Arvind Adiga that won the booker prize for 2008!! Well basically it is a satire a cold hearted relentless and captivating satire on India!! As the protagonist (who z a poverty ridden-tortured kid-turned driver read a slave to his master-turned murderer-turned entrepreneur and finally a very successful businessman) in the book calls himself a person made from half baked clay, and as he describes in his letters to the Chinese premier that there are two sides to INDIA the bright side as the whole world sees it and a dark side that we Indians better know than anyone else.. I consider myself lucky for reading that book pretty much impulsively though... I say so coz I didn’t have any idea what the book was all about until I started reading it… I only decided to buy it coz it won the booker prize!! But trust me when I say once I started reading the book I just couldn’t put it down to read at a later time… and as for the consequences of the awakening (let me call it awakening) into the bitter realities portrayed about the way of life of a poverty stricken Indian or more so a less fortunate Indian I found myself and my thoughts at a dead end, not finding a suitable way to vent out anywhere else.. This post is only a small attempt for my satisfaction and recovering my peace of mind. This post that I am writing, when this is over, I will be satisfied and things won’t disturb me anymore for I will finally know what I ought to do!! Yet again if I write all those things, I would be getting nowhere, but boring you out of your minds, I therefore decided to express a few selective yet debatable topics that I failed miserably to reason why!!

1. Corruption and India's Fight against it... (Seems almost hypothetical to me because in a mass protest all is good and fine but when it comes down to individual interests we people generally compromise in parting with a few bucks to get our things done and not even once do we think about the national interests)

2.The safekeeping or so to say the hospitality shown to merciless terrorists in India by our govt on the pretext of basic human rights...(What the fuck!! were they humans, when they went around killing innocent citizens, What about the people that died as such?? weren’t they humans?? The death sentence to Kasab does very little for the pain in the hearts of the family members of the people his group killed so ruthlessly)

3. The attitude of people as a whole (I mean the society of ours) towards such topics.

4. The ignorance or lack of interest and awareness!!

5. The sorry state of buses and trains or for that matter surroundings roads and public property in India, which is why I say In here.. compromise seems to be a way of life!!

Coming to more sensitive topics or you can call taboo topics if you so wish...

Newspapers being so full of news of in short to say extreme physical abuse of females ranging from kids, teenagers to foreign tourists and the hype and politics associated with it(makes women empowerment and boasts of gender equality a laughing stock or at least decoratively limited to pen and paper)

Doesn't reading this much and thinking about it already make you angry??I bet yes it does as it made me angry that’s why I decided to write it off here at the blog!! No explanations to anyone or about anything, Nothing...

     I completely am aware that as for my age, I am too small to take action, I mean yes, 24 years, without a job, still struggling and fighting against all odds to chase my dreams, doesn’t sound too good a qualification for speaking among the older generation, say with family and neighborhood, thanks to the society for that and the way we Indians are brought up; Does it??But I don’t care, I have decided, out of the topics I just mentioned, most are a national threat and major issues to be talked about for now and anything I would be doing about, but the local issues, that which I know I can fight against, I will for sure, because I might be starting this alone in the first place, but someday some of us will meet who understand me and share my thinking and feelings and are of the same weird and crazy mentality as me... then I wont be alone, We would be a group, a team, fighting commonly for a cause!! There is this society again that we live in, it will criticize, it almost always does, less appreciation and encouragement and more obstacles and cynicism with backstabbing, cruel satires, well such people don’t have other things to do, they just don’t realize something until they experience that personally.. But who cares I don’t; What would be the worst case scenario, that my image, my good name as an obedient, abiding decent and well mannered guy would go down the drains and I would be labeled as arrogant, disobedient, unsocial err antisocial, ill mannered... well the adjectives can keep on growing in numbers and I wont stop Writing or Fighting back.. It’s better to stand up and fight than accept the baseless unnecessary things that just don’t make any sense!!!

Would You Dare to be different??

Would You Dare take a chance??

Would You Care like hell to what others say??

And dare to find out facts for yourself??

Would You Do something, anything and everything it takes to change the PISS!! WOULD YOU???

In Sweet Reminiscence

Sometimes I wonder, how long can I let things happen??

I wonder , how different things are now than things were then..

Sometimes I wonder, why do I not protest

When I am hurt and my heart isn’t at rest!

Sometimes I wonder, where had it all gone wrong??

I wonder when did I miss that beautiful song

Sometimes I wonder, where did I lose You as a friend!!

Sometimes I wonder, if only this pain could end…

Sometimes when I feel like opening up my heart to You

It is then I am afraid I can’t trust myself even

For certain things are best buried deep inside my heart….

It is better the way things are rather than giving them a new start!!

Tired of figuring out I focus on a lesson I learnt

Learning it the hard way, a part of me was burnt...

A lesson that I know I will never forget

Having made this choice I know I won’t regret!!

Difficult it is still and difficult it will always be

Remembering about those times the way you were there for me…

Each one of those memories I have in my own way treasured

Looking back at those I know our friendship hasn’t withered…

When I was hurt, I knew something once beautiful between me and you is seriously wrong!!!

All this time I have bore the pain in my heart and ever since got strong…

Getting over the pain and moving on is just a matter of time…

To realise that it always was, only took me this long!!

That Sweet Mermaid In Black!!

One fine evening I met an angel under the cool moonlit sky

Meeting her made me happy I don't know why!!

One look into those eyes of hers

And I forgot all my worries and angers...

Her face had a strange yet known caring glow

Mesmerized instantly I said to myself wow!!

That smile which spread on her lips

Made my heart skip many a beats!

For a moment I stood there motionless completely still

I silently thanked God for granting my will.

Those cascades of long jet black hair

Falling on her face so innocently fair..

Lost I was again when she started to talk

In the sweet melody of her voice I took a really long walk...

She was such a delight to be with

A comfort I could feel when she was around

Even a lot could be spoken without uttering a sound...

That the night was growing deeper,

That she had to return, made me sad!!

Yet there was a reason I thought about which I could be glad

Cos I had with me the memories when I came back....

The memories of the evening with that sweet mermaid in black!!!

If Only...

(I)

As the morning approaches the darkness

As another new dawn prepares to break in...

Walking alone against the cool soothing breeze

On that old familiar stretch of road

I do not feel myself at ease!

My heart seems heavy with a load.

For I keep on falling into the land of my thoughts....

Thoughts of why life had to be such today

Why did you and me have to suddenly part our way!!

(II)

The sights of rainy showers and lonely roads,

Swaying trees and floating clouds

The stretches of lush green fields

And that childish innocence

To which all anger yields

Are all making me so desperately wish

If only I could be a child again...

(III)

Remembering the way things used to be back then

We were just two friends walking carefree in the rain

No questions asked on our friendship

No eyebrows raised over our timeless gossip

No restrictions set on our courtship

No conclusions drawn over our relationship....

(IV)

A time that once was between you and me

Now I sometimes wonder if ever again will be

For those days were a lot more simpler

When us holding hands was instinctively natural

When our sitting close wasn't that big a matter

The time before life became complicated

And friendship turned into flings...

My only big problem was thinking of

Ways to tease you and then patch up things

Those hidden passions of giving funny nicknames

With warm vivid memories of long forgotten games!!!

(V)

Feels as if yesterday they had let us grow up together as best friends

Yesterday that they let us build each other's trust!

Yet all those days that I now think of

Convinced I am, for us things are only going to get worst

All these years later,we have grown

All the while taught to handle our life as it comes on our own...

When everytime we meet each other,we know we haven't changed a bit

Why then do they have such sick and lousy issues with it!!

(VI)

Now that I am growing up I so frequently dream...

I dream of this long sea beach

With the waves playing a soft music

And the wind being playfully naughty...

Walking along the shores hand in hand

Me and you watching the lovely setting sun

At times again running around and having fun...

(VII)

I wake up suddenly,disturbed from my sleep

I sit up wide awake on my bed!!

With all those memories spinning around in my head

I then start wishing if only if only

I could be a child yet again....

And all I manage to finally do is

Let out a loud yet so silent scream.....

Is This Love??...

Hello readers, welcome back; Its been a while I had last posted so here I am finally with sort of something I decided I had to share because it has been disturbing my mind since I tried to hold it back. Ok sorry!! Enough of beating around the bush keeping you wondering about what next .
Well since past few days, months or I should say years I have been regularly haunted by this question whenever I sit down lonely having nothing much to do or even while just strolling around but still cant find an answer which is what disturbs me the most.
I guess by now, you dear reader would have already figured out as to what is the question?? Yes you are right! No surprises it is indeed “Is This Love?”
I have asked this to myself so many times considering the pros and cons, weighing my arguments and cross arguments to myself in every possible combination every time hoping to arrive at a conclusion, to find out the answer but am disappointed every time.
I mean admitted I am yet to call someone my girlfriend (someone who exists and is real) yet to fall in love with a human going by that criteria, but I have also fallen in love in so many sights, so many ways and am happy for that. Still time and again when this question crosses me, I am only reduced to square one fighting with myself allover again to get over that feeling!
Before going any further may I please ask you one favor! Please don’t come to a conclusion and get an idea about what sort of person I am and refrain yourself in terming me as someone lovelorn or failed in love or a frustrated soul atleast!!
I am sure by now a lot of you are wondering why then am I writing such a post wasting my time and yours too, let me explain because I am not finished yet, because I wanted someone with whom I could share this trouble but then realized a lot of people wont understand who don’t know me well as may be the case with you but no offence, this is true both for me and you too. Still I have tried to communicate my thoughts to you through this post with the hope it serves the purpose well!!
My life till now can be broadly classified into two phases my school life and my college life(both post schooling and graduation). During schooling I fell in love so many times I cant even remember the count as say my friends, you know these associations of a girl with a boy and all the teasing and leg pulling that follows.
It was normal then, for me to think and ask myself Is This Love? But a large part of it honestly was both a pleasurable and enjoyable thing that still continues to be till now.. I say so because those girls at school that were my then girlfriends thanks to the courtesy of my friends, are still some of my best friends I will ever have! and that in no ways is supposed to mean I don’t have any boys as my best buddies.
It was infatuation normal at that time, then came college where it was pretty much a daily thing to be teased around and to tease my other friends with girls, the names of which some were known,others imagined to be existing matching my friends’ names. How long does it take to think a name when the objective is to tease a close friend and have fun?? Less than a minute of course.The whole exercise was fun including the blushing the reaction the aftermath all of it.
Here I would like you to spare a few moments asking yourself these questions: what were the circumstances, the events, the memories or the meetings that ultimately led you ever to ask yourself Is This Love? If at all you have asked this to yourself, there must be someone on your mind at that time, generally the way you dealt with that person,his/her smile,look,almost everything in him/her you can possibly imagine about your perfect partner. This is in a virtual world that of your mind where you are free to associate,bond,imagine and fantasize without any limits to the level of your imagination!
But you know what! The reality is a little bit different,its never the same “easy as a cake walk”stuff in the real dynamic world. What I mean is people do fall in love and a lot of them do. But what hurts is the way,being in love has changed. Today only a rare, lucky ones find and hold on to their true love in their partners,some still luckier take it to the next level and become life partners but in a society as traditional and conservative as ours, for many of those who are in love,being married is still a distant dream come true when it asks to be brought to the notice of their family,the results running away from home and still extreme couples committing suicide for their love….
Cant things change a bit,cant parents give a hearing to their own children in matters of love? Cant the children think about the plight of their parents after their death? I believe all this will change but will take a long long time from now.
Hey wait wait! Are we not forgetting another class of lovers the doomed class!! Shocked reading doomed?? Well sorry I tried hard but failed to find a term more pertinent to call to those persons for whom reasons yet unknown; falling in love itself was a sin altogether!
Why am I saying so? Because being in love no longer remains a pleasurable thing to be happy about, as it used to be once upon a time. Nowadays it seems to be more of pain both physical and psychological, why else would one see break ups and affairs on a regular basis at college,do you think breaking up is easy, no its not! if you have ever broke up with somebody you will know better, not for the girl or the boy also. Things are alright until limited to not more than breaking up and moving on with respective lives; it becomes worse when love turns revengeful and then the consequences are both undesirable and frightening.

These days not only news channels and news papers, every media seems to have a story of extremism in love to tell!! The victim in most or all cases the girl,lady, her fault?? She walked out of a relationship saying she wasn’t comfortable so she doesn’t deserve to live!! She rejected me for another guy so she is so proud of her beauty,throw acid on her and let her live a cursed life ever after. Such stories are not framed out of imagination but are witness to the horrible plight of people in love.
Its not that it’s the females always who have to bear the torture, maybe we come to know their story because they in general have the benefit of public backing and support,and in a male dominated society as us,the guys dont come out of their sufferings in love for fear of being bullied around if they share their grief, still a stronger reason being it would hurt their male ego and pride….
Thinking all these things and many more such issues, I am scared, sometimes feeling sorry for the victims of such unjust violence in love and at other times being thankful I wasn’t born a girl in the first place..
With of all these turmoils in my mind I find myself being brought back time and again to the same old question when I hear them say: they were supposed to be in love or it is the result of love! Is This Love???

Farewell

Hi reader!! I guess it is a pretty weird topic to post about;You might be wondering I am going to talk about farewell;No I am not this is what I feel how significant or insignificant receiving a farewell can be and how different feelings develop for an institution that has been your alma mater!.I couldn't decide so I leave it upto you to decide for yourself.
Just a few weeks ago a friend of mine and me were talking about farewell,I said it is a wonderful word,she retorted as farewell being painful. Ok agreed it is a painful word,but spare a moment and think about it,you will realize its beauty. The pain makes a farewell all the more worthy,beautiful,emotional and for that separation from friends which at some point or the other is inevitable, is a worthy price to pay cos friends do separate physically but they never take away those memories created with them,those always remain with us!
She said then she didn't want to be nostalgic at that time,I agreed and we stopped discussing but I was already drowning in thoughts,what could I do?I decided then to write about it!
And here I sit with all but two instances- one where I consider myself lucky and the other well I sometimes still try to find out what and where did it go wrong....

Thoughts,flashbacks,memories,cries,laughter,quarrels,patch ups all these words suddenly surface in my mind when I think of farewell.I am sure even you would have started tracking back on your memory lanes...There must be something special about a farewell! how else could such feelings,emotions,attachments be associated with it.
I was one of those guys lucky enough to receive a farewell & it wasn't until the end of that day that I realized what was all this about,I mean personally I attended my first farewell at 10th std but it all came to me,those tides and waves of thoughts that afternoon!Yes I remember around 5 pm in the evening as I was reaching home,all I had was tears rolling down my eyes...

Back then some seven years ago when I was in my schooling I had hopes,dreams of making it to the college,scoring well at my boards & all sorts of things my then schoolish mind could think of that time.While at home I was happy with the thought that one day I would go to a college far from home to study.
Honestly I had never imagined then,what would life be like after crossing the school gates or should I say I never thought about it!whatever;Life at school was monotonic in the truest sense of the word yet was so interesting and amusing,the same uniforms,the same friends,the same pranks all was so predictable and predetermined and if I had ever stuck to a timetable on my own it must have been my school timetable :) because spending time in those classrooms,grounds or at large in that campus,time was lost indeed every time I entered the gates with my friends.And then the fact that one day you have to go out of it, away for higher studies was something my one part which called for duty understood but what about my other part, a part of me that till today is still in my school?That afternoon sometime during the later end of February,my this other part had taken complete charge of my entire being.
True I did finish school,entered college,finished college and entered graduation where I made more friends and special ones too a handful of whom I can proudly call my buddies,but none came quite close to the level of understanding with those that I had as my childhood friends both verbal and nonverbal!I guess it must be the same with each one of you too.
I wont go in detail as to what had happened during our farewell,that would spoil the speciality of the memories each of us has about their farewell...

Seven years!! enough time to detach oneself from a memory isn't it,that's what I had thought that someday I will not keep myself close to my school,but few days back when I had to go to a place where once my old school was,I realized I was cornered and terribly wrong!! Just one look in and around that building and all memories almost came back to me,the small assembly space when our school started with a mere 50 odd students,the classrooms where I had been naughty like hell,the principal's chamber where I was made to write numerous pages to improve my handwriting (You must Thank God I have typed and not handwritten this post for you to read!),the playground which was witness to many of my merry times and many more such trivial incidents;trivial I say as it may mean to some of you,but not to me I would rather say recollections of such special incidents which strongly convinced me in a moment that neither me nor Saint Joseph's can break away from each other...

Well,I guess I wrote a lot about school but my grad college isn't far behind to be left out!We were the first batch of our college REC! and this time I am not so proud to call ourselves thus because we didn't receive what was due for us.That first year is a different story to tell. But the memories of my first visit are worth mentioning,it was monsoon peak time when I first went to see the college and it took us near an hour to find out where actually REC was and what more, when I saw REC for the first time,there it stood like a barren monument in the middle of isolation;Isolation because there was knee deep water surrounding it,a canal and a weak temporary bridge that had to be crossed to get to our college without a proper connecting road and only stones placed down from the bridge to the college in walkable distance and almost no civilization or means of communication as far as one could see;We returned after seeing it!I didn't know who to tell,as must be the case of all my friends who might have seen the college in that state!
Then there was the orientation day;Well a new college meant no ragging those days and I got to see many new and old faces,some luckily from my hometown,others who happened to be my branch mates later on but the same expression of excitement mixed with intimidation of asking people where did they belong to and many such silly questions as conversation starters that are asked to first time strangers of course and then and there we bonded and became friends.

If I go on writing I am afraid this will take a long time to end! Some of you might be thinking by now as why am I writing about how my first day at college was,is this an essay?No dear this isn't an essay,it never was meant to be one,but writing this sure has a purpose why! which is to be blunt and rude, we the first batch that the management of REC so much boasts about calling and patting us still as proud RECIANS have been denied the most coveted memory in one's studying career that is to say a farewell!!
There are many things I heard about why we weren't seen off by our college,there was this senior junior cold war a reason,even friends of our batch had a split within ourselves too. But whatever be the reason it doesn't matter now! does it?What is once gone is gone.Still at times when this thought enters my mind that after seeing a college,being a part of it since the time when any of the constructions apart from the four class rooms and a few offices weren't even nearing completion,did we not have a right to an if not pompous and expensive but at least a decent and formal farewell from the college.
I am not blaming anyone,I know I can't,I know I don't have to because if I see it from the other side,it was good we didn't get a farewell from REC,who the hell needs one when almost all of us are there at facebook and as the catchline goes"Stay Connected" with facebook. We indeed have opened up a virtual REC at the online world and have really stayed connected at facebook! although not exactly as during college days but nevertheless to a lesser extent and we surely enjoy our online encounters!

P.S.Maybe I never will have the feeling of closeness with REC as I have for my school,maybe if only we would have received a farewell,things thoughts and feelings for REC would have been otherwise sweet and strong! Maybe our immediate juniors don't have to go away with the same fate as us! maybe this was all the resentment I had to bring out from within myself to be in peace! Maybe.....

FOSLA.........

Hey there, reader Hi! Before you read this post, I need to ask you a question “Are you single or committed?” , No need to answer me, just answer yourself. If you feel you are committed then please be my guest and read on and if you are single then I am sorry I need to ask you a few more questions but later on first let me make few things clear about this post
1. This post is not meant to offend lovers or in anyways make fun of committed ones.
2. Wondering what FOSLA is all about? You must have read that a Nest is called Ghosla in Hindi. A Ghosla. This is nowhere near it my friends. Now you shouldn’t bang your head, won’t get anything out of it anyways! So without any boring elongation I take it my duty to ellucidate on FOSLA which stands for Frustrated.. One Sided.. Lovers’ Association!! Amused? Or shocked?? Please don’t be, cos it’s gonna happen again and again.
Now if your answer was single may I ask you,
Was it one sided or involved both of you at any point of time?
If your answer to the above question is one sided, then I am sure, you have been sometimes frustrated, at least once, and why I say so is because I am sure you haven’t expressed your love to the other person (boy or girl) whosoever!!
Don’t worry whatever be your reason for not expressing, fear of denial or rejection of proposal seem to be the top most probabilities concerning your state and its not a joke, it’s the same story in 9 out of 10 cases and there is nothing to be sad about or even feel humiliated about it, believe me.
Coming back to FOSLA, another fact about our association is although it is a virtual imagination it exists within us the honorary members or once members of FOSLA. I had been a member of FOSLA for 4 years precisely but was qualified to be a member even before that!
Speaking of qualifications,
All you need to do is find a person after whom more than one fellow of the opposite sex is following (apart from you of course!!)
Next you must start loving but not express your love.
And the rest frustration will do, not exactly frustration alone I must say but accompanied by memories, events, depression, thoughtfulness, daydreaming, sleepless nights and a whole lot more things(which are, of course natural to follow) will show you the way to FOSLA and what more you will become a member of this prestigious association.
Well apart from the above two categories of lovers as one sided and committed, there is I would like to share a rare third category which is the reason why I decided to post about FOSLA. Intriguing?? As to what is the third type! I would sin If I kept you guessing.
Believe me I have this friend of mine who was qualified for FOSLA but was an exception as regards the 2nd criteria of not expressing his love; I take it a point to mention that this fried of mine had guts I must say, was brave enough to propose the girl he loved was braver when he faced denial, the reason being the girl was supposedly committed from before, well hard luck for my friend. I call him brave because the girl after whom he was (or still seems to be) was also the one I was after and I don’t regret being after her because for her I came to know about FOSLA but now I have let go off her and that is also why I no longer consider myself to be a part of it but at the same time cherish my time spent with FOSLA. Here I am stronger because my friend still hasn’t been able to shake her off his being!
I must thank the girl once for saying me that I was a child, but hey dear if you are reading this post, I want to thank you because had you not told me that particular sentence I would never have fed myself with an anger so strong that I could come out of your infatuation!! So thanks for those words because for once getting angry has benefitted me!
And so my friend constitutes till date in my knowledge as the only member of FOSLA in the 3rd category of lovers, who after being denied also haven’t been able to let go…
But dear friend please don’t squander your time because all you will ever get out of it is but pain ad restlessness because you know she cant come back to you now…
Well, sometimes I guess there should be one more category in this group, what about those who fall in love, fail in love, fall in love (again), fail in love(obviously again), and fall in love again? I mean, it’s hard luck for them but it surely throws in tickling memories and livens up the rest of the group. Of course, “You know, I would surely get her this time!” is what they say on their 100th crush!
Now sit back and relive those devilish attempts of yours. And at least remember me once for making your boring schedule more namkeen!
Long love FOSLA…

Gates Of Heaven....

(I)
Slowly yet surely the clock ticks by
I have no answers to seek for or questions to ask why
For here are people of all kinds kids young and old
Few faces shining with hope,smiling,yet few crying and cold!
A sight so scary and frightening to behold
People here are praying,they have their breath to hold!

(II)
These empty corridors and the patients behind closed doors
The whispers of their dear ones and talking of the sisters
Strolling around this loneliness my heart is heavy, my eyes go sore
Still I wont sleep,to complete all by myself I have a chore...
On the chair as I sit hence advances the night
In a few hours from now to arrive promises the sunlight

(III)
Through the glass panes the morning sun peeps
Standing at this gates of heaven an ambulance beeps
There I see far away at a corner a mother woefully weeps
All this while on a stretcher
As her son so silently and peacefully sleeps...

(IV)
All of a sudden choked and suffocated I feel
Thinking how if ever that wound on the mother's heart would heal
At the race of life and death,death has ruthlessly won,
In that fight she has lost her only son......!

My Love...

How do I fall in love when all I see is pain!
How do I fall in love when all I see is tears!
How do I fall in love when all I see is hearts broken!
How do I fall in love when all I see is faith shaken!
How do I fall in love when all I see is love a plaything?
How do I fall in love when lovers cheat in disguise?
How do I fall in love when trust is so broken as if pieces of glass!
How do I fall in love when love comes and goes in a flash!
So many times over love my mind and heart had a clash.
But for me love was never ever a trash!
I know I haven't ever seen or heard from you
Yet I believe a day will come I will find you
Some day when you and me will be together
From that day till ever I'll be with you!
Lost I will be then in your sparkling eyes
I wont be free from your hold even after a million tries.
With your tears my eyes shall weep
In the shades of your hair I shall wake and sleep.
Holding your hands I will go any distance
Hearing your voice every time I will be in a trance.
For my love for you I know is true
Till my last breath my love I will keep loving you....

Little Angels

A tiny handsome lad and a little beautiful dame
Holding each other's hand busy in their game
Walking side by side,shorter and shorter in their stride
Away into a world of their own they seemed to ride
They had nothing to worry about or anything to hide
But being with each other they did take pride
Neither the darkness around nor the lonely path ahead!
Was there a thing of which these kids were scared?
Along the road they both endlessly chattered
As if for them only the other one mattered
And poking and pinching and teasing and punching
The girl frowning,the lad coaxing all the way
At other times the boy joking and the girl laughing her heart away!!
They both knew at a point they had to part
Towards their homes each had to depart
Yet on their faces there were no signs of sorrow
They were sure they would meet again tomorrow.

Friends Forever

For the first time we met we were strangers
With lots of doubts hesitations, compulsions and fear...
Slowly yet steadily we began knowing each other
Then came a time we became the best of friends ever
Since then there are many a times we have fought
Without giving anything else a second thought
Each other’s help we have unconditionally sought!
But seeing tears in one’s eyes
Our sleep, our smiles we have forgot!
We are not friends if we drift apart
We are not friends if we don’t give a start
We are not friends if we keep on holding to silly things
We are not friends if we don’t understand
We are not friends if we don’t dare
We are not friends if we don’t care
We are not friends if we don’t share
Since when did we start trusting each other
Is something I still don’t remember!
Our bonds of friendship we so tenderly bear
At times happy or difficult our friendship will stand
High above wear and tear
That I am lucky to have you all as my friends is all that matters
Cos for each other I know we were, are and will always be there....

My Lady's Smile

And that smile she gave to me
Oh I can live it on forever and forever again!
The way she talked,the way she gazed
The way she looked was all so wonderful!
As she always has remained calm,tranquil,reserve yet cool.
When I asked her where are you going to leave me?
She had said in the place at that point
Where the heavens kiss the earth!
Where the waves in the middle of the seas,cease to rise and fall!
When the sun begins to rise at west
I shall leave you then at your very best!
So curious we were for each other I felt
Yet not a thing parted between us
Such was the curiosity curbed
But yet her eyes were interrogatory!
I felt it as a fact for sure.
Still I tried but could not avoid the lure
To keep looking into her eyes so beautiful so pure...

A Voice Within...

When I walk through those familiar streets
Thinking of the old times
Away from this world I go, so lost in myself
A voice within me screams where are you?

When I sat with my friends all around
Happiness as if for long, lost and found
Heartily laughed away at the silliest jokes
I felt we belonged to another world
Where time had stopped running away
How much I wish in reality it could be this way!
It is then I am,lost again in myself
A voice within me screams where are you?

For the times we were close together
All of us in a group caring like hell for no other
When each day at class we fought over something new
Yet settling everything exchanging a smiles few
Remembering those days now,I am lost in myself
A voice within me screams where are you?

Many a times when I see myself now
I am scared finding out who am I?
Thinking where did it all go wrong
Is this not the same me I was searching for so long!
Here again I am lost in myself
Is that the same voice now I hear?
A voice which brings in me unexplained fear
The voice within me screaming where are you???

Thrilling Adventure

We went to the cafe in the morn

Beaming high with the thought of fun

We feared of getting caught so we had to run

We reached the classroom with emotions merry

And onto our benches we had to hurry

Only to escape our teacher's fury!!

Once in our seats we heaved a sigh

The thought of eating mixture in class secretly...

Made my spirits soar high...

And slowly and silently from handful to mouthful

With utmost care I did finish my share!

Hence ended the game of hide and seek

My teacher was left with no clue

Smartly and intelligently I gave him no hint

So that there be anything he could do....

Longing For You...

As seconds grow into minutes,I have waited
As minutes grew into hours,I have waited
As hours passed by into days,I have waited
Watching the hands of the clock running
One after another catching up and separating!
One hand leading,the other following...
So passes by the time and older grows the day
I keep on telling myself sometime today it will be my way!
As such this morning has turned into afternoon
And now the afternoon is approaching the evening..
Still I haven't lost hope still I am waiting!
For I know not of what else to do
Than to wait and watch out for you
Yet I know not what am I waiting for!
Cos yes I have kept open my door
He will step in,my love I am sure
One last wish I have my love
For once your voice is all I long to hear
I need a hug to fight out my fear
Oh! the night has never seemed more longer...
Oh!Here he is,my sweet darling lover
Of late I had taught myself not to weep....
So long we have our memories to keep
On seeing him I managed a smile
but couldnt hold back a drop of tear
Taking our moments of togetherness
In your arms My eyes I am,closing forever
My last words I want for you to remember
Nothing hurts more than waiting
Since I dont even know what was I waiting for anymore!......

Memories Of Saint Joseph's School

School dear why is it that I am unable to forget your memories?

Why is it that I am unable to break bonds with you?

Is it for my friends or my teachers or still is it for the teachings I learnt in your lap..

Is it for the love and affection I received from you?

Or is it for the attention you always gave to me...

My friends still come in my dreams...My friends still call me up

My friends still care for me and I continue

To think of them in my moments of happiness and sorrows

There were friends I fought with

There were friends I talked to

There were those I liked

There were some we joked

And still some others whom I let my secrets flow...

Thank you friends for helping me for cooperating me

For keeping my secrets I shall ever and forever be grateful to you..

How are you dear friends?Shall we ever meet again under the twilight and the dawn!!!

Or in the best of places

Right inside our school!!!!!

Do please let me know,for I long to hear from you...

I pray God for your well being wherever you all are

May you all remain ever gay and successful

May all your dreams come trueAnd in your heart by your dreams

If you ever think of me

Please please please O please

Please let me come through.....

The Last Letter

Why do friends come into life?? They say,life is hell without friends,I know it is worse;Maybe as I write,I wont be able to keep track as I am not able to think straight now.The 25th of november I thought was just like anyother normal day...Everything was ok if not fine till I reached college around 1:15 pm,was wandering here and there with nothing much to do about.And then our H.O.D. sir I saw,did a namaskar but noticed one thing!his smile wasn't there for the first time,and when I was close enough sir suddenly started:Arey,today I got a message about Jyoti,is it correct?I thought sir was asking about Jyoti's father who had passed away 17 days back,I said yes sir its true but he passed away around diwali... Sir stopped me when he said what spot death?I said no sir,he had died of heart attack. Sir said no I am asking about Jyoti Ranjan Mohapatra!I was suddenly shocked unable to relate Jyoti and spot death,I asked what sir did you get a message about??Sir said a msg saying Jyoti passed away in an accident!!

And then suddenly every single thing in my mind went astray;True,I had noticed a strange unusual silence,deadly and dangerously ominous all around the college,When I entered the college gate,my reason for being there was to help a friend normally we were a group of 20 students ready to help,but then we were only three of us at college when exams were due after 20 minutes.I called up another friend at college who was Jyoti's room mate and after he confirmed the news,I began to realise why our place seemed so empty,void of students void of friends void of everyone;All must have gone to see him and why not,Jyoti was a friend not only to me but to each one of us who were lucky to know him,be with him,live with him a friend as such who if ever we had asked him Jyoti you need to die,so that we wont come under trouble,he would have happily killed himself in a split second without giving it a second thought,such was his care for us and now today he has indeed left us all behind,I had decided not to write about Jyoti because he was a guy who always had made us laugh but today and all other days to come in my life he made me cry and then he is no more with us even to console us let alone joke and laugh with us!

The way I would always remember Jyoti smiling,loving,caring sacrificing demanding,yet standing up against the whole world for us for any matter silly or serious,I was indeed lucky to have a friend in him...I haven't known Jyoti for long,those four years of my engineering is all we were together and we had promised each other to remain friends for life.He kept his promise for life,but how am I to keep mine share;he left us all,when he is no more with whom am I going to be mad upon,about whom shall I joke around tease and make fun of... his departure has created a void in my life that no one can fill,there will be no another Jyoti who would call me names who would ask me my condition who would come to me at my one call not caring if it were necessary or not,I can not think now,the more I think,the heavier I feel at my heart,a rush of tears threaten me to break the barrier of my eye lids but I cannot cry I will not cry Jyoti would never in his life or after his death want to see us cry..so this is the least I can do..........

Since yesterday I have so many questions in my mind for God!Does He really exist,sometimes my heart answers Yes He does and yet some other times my mind stops believing in His grace altogether!From my childhood I have always been taught What God does is never without a purpose,never injustice to anyone. But now I fail to see the purpose God had in mind for taking Jyoti away from us,I fail to find out what justice it is God delivered to a lady who had lost her husband 17 days ago,lose her only son and that too in a truck accident for no fault of his own.......

goodbye dearest friend of all! there will never be another like you love you buddy!!You will always be with me in my heart till I die and then we meet once again.....

Someone I Know...

Someone I know is waiting for me
Somewhere out there is eager to see
Sometime will come when I will be free
Sometime I know I will not worry
Some day I know I will not be sorry
Sorry for what I am doing
Sorry for why I am not crying!
Oh you tears hold on! You have to wait
Wait until everything in my life is set
One day I believe I will get
To know myself,my identity,my love I bet
Then I promise, I'll let you flow at your rate
Till my face is soaked!
Till my throat is choked!
Till my looks are blurred!
Till my eyes are wet!
But sorry for now for you must wait...
This I promise I wont be late!!