The Joy Of Coming Home!!

                                               (I) 

Here as I sit alone by the window of a moving bus
In the depth of the night... the wind dancing in its tune
I peep out the window.. the half moon smiles at me!!
The sky is clearer than usual.. the stars a very few...
It is then that i wonder.. why is my heart so longing for someone
A friend to talk to...
Life was simple back when all the mind was worried about was my turn at the playground...
Somewhere in understanding the aspects of life and taking up responsibilities for my actions...
I forgot altogether what life was as a kid!!
Now that there is but time.. Too short to let go...
And pretty an uphill task to do.
                                                 (II)
Schedules start early in the morning and the day progresses swiftly into the night!!
Hectic as the days have become... The flesh is still to cope with this rush...
This routine of office to room and room to office goes on in a hush!!
Together we stay a lucky lot.. As roommates and friends away from home...
Still at times even as roommates we become strangers at room
A while passes by since having a talk with a roommate..
Few months pass by since playing a prank on a roommate..
Still in the beginning when the place of work was as alien as could be...
people staring at us... Language a totally new thing to learn...
It were these roommates we fell upon each other... in learning the ways of a new place!!
                                                   (III)
Now that a few years have passed... this place seems familiar...
The language easy as a cake... The people friendly as one of our own...
Yet at times this thought somehow hurts.. Its been so long that I am away from home...
I have commitments to attend to at office and yet another few to tend to at home!!
Travelling from place of work to home... is a one of a kind feeling,,
A happiness unexplained...
A chance rarely obtained once in a few months...
And when I reach home... I crave for the language,the food,the bookstores and the temples..
That had once been my ally when I was preparing for a job...
So few a days for the holidays... Half of it goes in travelling to and fro..
The Joy of coming home is all that stays until the next time...
And so comes one fine morning while at home,I pack my bags coz towards office its time to go!!

The Cultured And Civilized Humans!!!!

Hello readers. Well, since I started writing against the double-edged society in our country, people have been slashing out at me for being unfriendly and harsh. News for them is, here's some more.

But first, my dear readers, I humbly ask of you to rewind a few years more than a decade and think- what did we do during holidays or festivals? Bought balloons, toys, lots of melody chocolates, spent quality time with our families and of course stood for at least ten minutes or more in front of the idols or the ceremonies. We walked with sandals, sometimes barefoot too, and friendships, family-bonding, all had their healthy share of time.
      Okay. End of dream. What do we do now? Oh, I forgot, in the mean time, we have grown up. I am going to give you a picture of a typical present-day festival in my state.
      It was Puja season and probably all of East India has holidays in this season. So here was I, tired of racing for nothing with this world, wasting off my holidays also. I thought to visit the nearby celebrations, for a change. There has been enigmatic rise in population, one could see from the roaring crowd. I walked towards the raised dais slowly where the idol of Goddess Laxmi, adorned with colorful saree and flowers and jewels.The aarti ceremony that took place was grand where the praises of the goddess were sung describing her gumption and valor. The sweet fragrance of incense added to the charm. Oh! How beautiful! I sighed in satisfaction. And then the moment of realization struck. Where were all the people, I wondered!

Just as I got out of the pandal, I saw them- all cluttered around in small eateries and bargain shops and a variety of other stalls in the pallishree mela that was held this time during the puja. So that's why they come to a puja nowadays, I thought. One fine gentleman bargained a Rs 750 item all the way down to Rs 250, and then decided against buying it! All the hard work of 20 minutes and the shopkeeper didn't even get a penny! No doubt why those shopkeepers behave rudely with the customers now-a-days! Half of the grown-ups were talking with their friends in their hi-tech phones while the odd grandma attended the aarti ceremony with the maid of the house. The children, also grown-ups, seemed to be clinging on to the moment for tradition's sake. Poor goddess!! I say this not because am an atheist… I do believe in the grace and divinity of the Gods…. But because I saw people were eager to finish off the proceedings during the puja ASAP and get back to the other attractions during the Puja(Read on and find out for yourself)

The ladies at the Pallishree Mela were busy in doing two things- gossip.. and shopping.I couldn’t figure out which one out of the two things they were doing more!! (Some of them seemed keen on shoplifting too!) I would rather shoot myself in the foot than endure the torture of shopping with ladies during a festival.. I sighed!! No matter what store they went to.. "I don't like this", "this is too itchy", "this is too big", "I'm hungry", "Do you have this item or that or that or that.."(which they aren't selling and she knows fully well but can't accept that), "this isn't the right color".. etc. Even the eatery stalls weren’t being spared.. a few seemingly well mannered ladies(well mannered I say coz they were sweet talking.. the epitome of politeness and humility ha!!) for the sake of taste were tasting one by one each of the available item in the shops.. their most commonly used phrases… bhaiya can I taste some of these? How does that thing taste!! Is that thing there mitha or teekha.. Na this doesn’t taste that good what else do you have??Observing these peculiarly strange behaviour.. I remembered a quote I had read somewhere.. It goes like this:”Where women are concerned.. The unexpected always happens…” I mean why aren't they a little less complex? But, after all, ladies are ladies,and that is the beauty of it… I guessed, and moved on to the cultural acts.

The cultural acts were amazing with the paika dance form which attracted me the most. It's a form of battle dance. They danced a fiery battle dance while drums played on. It was more like a clarion call urging the dancers to get ready for a fiery battle ahead. The vigor and physical excitement of the dancers was worthy of notice. I enjoyed the most there. But what shot my resentment to top-notch was that this was being witnessed by a handful of individuals. I asked to one of the performers, "Don't you feel disheartened with this low turnout?" Said he, "What to do! Our work is to try and revive these cultures and we would continue doing that. People say they follow western culture now. They don't know how famous is our dances in the west. Idiots have learned to wear sunglasses and tiny dresses only." I could not agree more. There was time for gossip and dirty politics but no time for appreciation of art of top level.
          Speaking of dance and time for appreciation brings into my mind another sight worth mentioning which I observed on my way back to home from the mela.… Right across the place where pallishree mela was being held some 500 mts apart there was an orchestra band with juvenile dance girls for crowd entertainment….. well such an enormous crowd was being entertained that day that it virtually brought all the traffic into a standstill… as for the dancing girls and their costumes as well as the dual meaning songs and tunes they were dancing to…I better leave that to your imagination!!! No wonder why such a crowd had gathered for “ENTERTAINMENT”  
      Well, there was some more time, but all these things had already flared up my rage against the dual views of today's society again. Lest I vent out all my frustration on someone, I quickly returned home and started writing!! The question I asked myself is we call ourselves culturally civilized race of the 21^st century… Are we really??? Well the happenings around us don’t quite prove our claim to be correct… In fact the facts and statistics (of crime rate, oppression, atrocities against women and a hell lot of other such issues) speak otherwise!!

PISS...

Hi, dear reader, before you form an opinion about this post reading just its title, which I am sure few of you would already have, the moment you read the caption, I would like to ask you a few questions. I asked myself before writing this post. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN

1. No one listens to you?

2. Even fewer people understand you?

3. There are a lot of things that bug your mind and yet you find yourself so very helpless to do anything about it?

4. The level of irritated frustration rises so high that you can’t concentrate on anything else...

All these questions when I asked myself I got only 1 answer which is I write about those at my blog. Sometimes it is well accepted, sometimes it may not, at other times it isn’t even responded to and again never ever discussed!! but that doesn't stop me from writing what I feel should be written out and also wont stop me coz I know if I don’t, I wont be at peace.

This is one of the reasons why I decided to write about the title you just read... Thank you for your patience dear reader I would now raise the curtains on what exactly drove me to write about PISS and don’t be shocked from the beginning, I guarantee you, there are plenty of those in the subsequent follow through all over this post!!

Since India or Indians on behalf of the country decided to stand up against corruption, there have been many instances which constantly remind me of PISS... I bet you know the dictionary meaning of the word...but trust me, this is different, my own acronym for a long sentence....

Let go off all your fears and inhibitions reader, for I now welcome you to the Pathetic Indian Societal Scenario (which is what I will mean henceforth when I mention PISS)

PISS is a post springing up from pain,frustration,anger,helplessness and all things negative that can ever enter your brain as humans, things that had long been suppressed but cant be held within any longer!! The reason?? A book THE WHITE TIGER by Arvind Adiga that won the booker prize for 2008!! Well basically it is a satire a cold hearted relentless and captivating satire on India!! As the protagonist (who z a poverty ridden-tortured kid-turned driver read a slave to his master-turned murderer-turned entrepreneur and finally a very successful businessman) in the book calls himself a person made from half baked clay, and as he describes in his letters to the Chinese premier that there are two sides to INDIA the bright side as the whole world sees it and a dark side that we Indians better know than anyone else.. I consider myself lucky for reading that book pretty much impulsively though... I say so coz I didn’t have any idea what the book was all about until I started reading it… I only decided to buy it coz it won the booker prize!! But trust me when I say once I started reading the book I just couldn’t put it down to read at a later time… and as for the consequences of the awakening (let me call it awakening) into the bitter realities portrayed about the way of life of a poverty stricken Indian or more so a less fortunate Indian I found myself and my thoughts at a dead end, not finding a suitable way to vent out anywhere else.. This post is only a small attempt for my satisfaction and recovering my peace of mind. This post that I am writing, when this is over, I will be satisfied and things won’t disturb me anymore for I will finally know what I ought to do!! Yet again if I write all those things, I would be getting nowhere, but boring you out of your minds, I therefore decided to express a few selective yet debatable topics that I failed miserably to reason why!!

1. Corruption and India's Fight against it... (Seems almost hypothetical to me because in a mass protest all is good and fine but when it comes down to individual interests we people generally compromise in parting with a few bucks to get our things done and not even once do we think about the national interests)

2.The safekeeping or so to say the hospitality shown to merciless terrorists in India by our govt on the pretext of basic human rights...(What the fuck!! were they humans, when they went around killing innocent citizens, What about the people that died as such?? weren’t they humans?? The death sentence to Kasab does very little for the pain in the hearts of the family members of the people his group killed so ruthlessly)

3. The attitude of people as a whole (I mean the society of ours) towards such topics.

4. The ignorance or lack of interest and awareness!!

5. The sorry state of buses and trains or for that matter surroundings roads and public property in India, which is why I say In here.. compromise seems to be a way of life!!

Coming to more sensitive topics or you can call taboo topics if you so wish...

Newspapers being so full of news of in short to say extreme physical abuse of females ranging from kids, teenagers to foreign tourists and the hype and politics associated with it(makes women empowerment and boasts of gender equality a laughing stock or at least decoratively limited to pen and paper)

Doesn't reading this much and thinking about it already make you angry??I bet yes it does as it made me angry that’s why I decided to write it off here at the blog!! No explanations to anyone or about anything, Nothing...

     I completely am aware that as for my age, I am too small to take action, I mean yes, 24 years, without a job, still struggling and fighting against all odds to chase my dreams, doesn’t sound too good a qualification for speaking among the older generation, say with family and neighborhood, thanks to the society for that and the way we Indians are brought up; Does it??But I don’t care, I have decided, out of the topics I just mentioned, most are a national threat and major issues to be talked about for now and anything I would be doing about, but the local issues, that which I know I can fight against, I will for sure, because I might be starting this alone in the first place, but someday some of us will meet who understand me and share my thinking and feelings and are of the same weird and crazy mentality as me... then I wont be alone, We would be a group, a team, fighting commonly for a cause!! There is this society again that we live in, it will criticize, it almost always does, less appreciation and encouragement and more obstacles and cynicism with backstabbing, cruel satires, well such people don’t have other things to do, they just don’t realize something until they experience that personally.. But who cares I don’t; What would be the worst case scenario, that my image, my good name as an obedient, abiding decent and well mannered guy would go down the drains and I would be labeled as arrogant, disobedient, unsocial err antisocial, ill mannered... well the adjectives can keep on growing in numbers and I wont stop Writing or Fighting back.. It’s better to stand up and fight than accept the baseless unnecessary things that just don’t make any sense!!!

Would You Dare to be different??

Would You Dare take a chance??

Would You Care like hell to what others say??

And dare to find out facts for yourself??

Would You Do something, anything and everything it takes to change the PISS!! WOULD YOU???

In Sweet Reminiscence

Sometimes I wonder, how long can I let things happen??

I wonder , how different things are now than things were then..

Sometimes I wonder, why do I not protest

When I am hurt and my heart isn’t at rest!

Sometimes I wonder, where had it all gone wrong??

I wonder when did I miss that beautiful song

Sometimes I wonder, where did I lose You as a friend!!

Sometimes I wonder, if only this pain could end…

Sometimes when I feel like opening up my heart to You

It is then I am afraid I can’t trust myself even

For certain things are best buried deep inside my heart….

It is better the way things are rather than giving them a new start!!

Tired of figuring out I focus on a lesson I learnt

Learning it the hard way, a part of me was burnt...

A lesson that I know I will never forget

Having made this choice I know I won’t regret!!

Difficult it is still and difficult it will always be

Remembering about those times the way you were there for me…

Each one of those memories I have in my own way treasured

Looking back at those I know our friendship hasn’t withered…

When I was hurt, I knew something once beautiful between me and you is seriously wrong!!!

All this time I have bore the pain in my heart and ever since got strong…

Getting over the pain and moving on is just a matter of time…

To realise that it always was, only took me this long!!

That Sweet Mermaid In Black!!

One fine evening I met an angel under the cool moonlit sky

Meeting her made me happy I don't know why!!

One look into those eyes of hers

And I forgot all my worries and angers...

Her face had a strange yet known caring glow

Mesmerized instantly I said to myself wow!!

That smile which spread on her lips

Made my heart skip many a beats!

For a moment I stood there motionless completely still

I silently thanked God for granting my will.

Those cascades of long jet black hair

Falling on her face so innocently fair..

Lost I was again when she started to talk

In the sweet melody of her voice I took a really long walk...

She was such a delight to be with

A comfort I could feel when she was around

Even a lot could be spoken without uttering a sound...

That the night was growing deeper,

That she had to return, made me sad!!

Yet there was a reason I thought about which I could be glad

Cos I had with me the memories when I came back....

The memories of the evening with that sweet mermaid in black!!!

If Only...

(I)

As the morning approaches the darkness

As another new dawn prepares to break in...

Walking alone against the cool soothing breeze

On that old familiar stretch of road

I do not feel myself at ease!

My heart seems heavy with a load.

For I keep on falling into the land of my thoughts....

Thoughts of why life had to be such today

Why did you and me have to suddenly part our way!!

(II)

The sights of rainy showers and lonely roads,

Swaying trees and floating clouds

The stretches of lush green fields

And that childish innocence

To which all anger yields

Are all making me so desperately wish

If only I could be a child again...

(III)

Remembering the way things used to be back then

We were just two friends walking carefree in the rain

No questions asked on our friendship

No eyebrows raised over our timeless gossip

No restrictions set on our courtship

No conclusions drawn over our relationship....

(IV)

A time that once was between you and me

Now I sometimes wonder if ever again will be

For those days were a lot more simpler

When us holding hands was instinctively natural

When our sitting close wasn't that big a matter

The time before life became complicated

And friendship turned into flings...

My only big problem was thinking of

Ways to tease you and then patch up things

Those hidden passions of giving funny nicknames

With warm vivid memories of long forgotten games!!!

(V)

Feels as if yesterday they had let us grow up together as best friends

Yesterday that they let us build each other's trust!

Yet all those days that I now think of

Convinced I am, for us things are only going to get worst

All these years later,we have grown

All the while taught to handle our life as it comes on our own...

When everytime we meet each other,we know we haven't changed a bit

Why then do they have such sick and lousy issues with it!!

(VI)

Now that I am growing up I so frequently dream...

I dream of this long sea beach

With the waves playing a soft music

And the wind being playfully naughty...

Walking along the shores hand in hand

Me and you watching the lovely setting sun

At times again running around and having fun...

(VII)

I wake up suddenly,disturbed from my sleep

I sit up wide awake on my bed!!

With all those memories spinning around in my head

I then start wishing if only if only

I could be a child yet again....

And all I manage to finally do is

Let out a loud yet so silent scream.....

Is This Love??...

Hello readers, welcome back; Its been a while I had last posted so here I am finally with sort of something I decided I had to share because it has been disturbing my mind since I tried to hold it back. Ok sorry!! Enough of beating around the bush keeping you wondering about what next .
Well since past few days, months or I should say years I have been regularly haunted by this question whenever I sit down lonely having nothing much to do or even while just strolling around but still cant find an answer which is what disturbs me the most.
I guess by now, you dear reader would have already figured out as to what is the question?? Yes you are right! No surprises it is indeed “Is This Love?”
I have asked this to myself so many times considering the pros and cons, weighing my arguments and cross arguments to myself in every possible combination every time hoping to arrive at a conclusion, to find out the answer but am disappointed every time.
I mean admitted I am yet to call someone my girlfriend (someone who exists and is real) yet to fall in love with a human going by that criteria, but I have also fallen in love in so many sights, so many ways and am happy for that. Still time and again when this question crosses me, I am only reduced to square one fighting with myself allover again to get over that feeling!
Before going any further may I please ask you one favor! Please don’t come to a conclusion and get an idea about what sort of person I am and refrain yourself in terming me as someone lovelorn or failed in love or a frustrated soul atleast!!
I am sure by now a lot of you are wondering why then am I writing such a post wasting my time and yours too, let me explain because I am not finished yet, because I wanted someone with whom I could share this trouble but then realized a lot of people wont understand who don’t know me well as may be the case with you but no offence, this is true both for me and you too. Still I have tried to communicate my thoughts to you through this post with the hope it serves the purpose well!!
My life till now can be broadly classified into two phases my school life and my college life(both post schooling and graduation). During schooling I fell in love so many times I cant even remember the count as say my friends, you know these associations of a girl with a boy and all the teasing and leg pulling that follows.
It was normal then, for me to think and ask myself Is This Love? But a large part of it honestly was both a pleasurable and enjoyable thing that still continues to be till now.. I say so because those girls at school that were my then girlfriends thanks to the courtesy of my friends, are still some of my best friends I will ever have! and that in no ways is supposed to mean I don’t have any boys as my best buddies.
It was infatuation normal at that time, then came college where it was pretty much a daily thing to be teased around and to tease my other friends with girls, the names of which some were known,others imagined to be existing matching my friends’ names. How long does it take to think a name when the objective is to tease a close friend and have fun?? Less than a minute of course.The whole exercise was fun including the blushing the reaction the aftermath all of it.
Here I would like you to spare a few moments asking yourself these questions: what were the circumstances, the events, the memories or the meetings that ultimately led you ever to ask yourself Is This Love? If at all you have asked this to yourself, there must be someone on your mind at that time, generally the way you dealt with that person,his/her smile,look,almost everything in him/her you can possibly imagine about your perfect partner. This is in a virtual world that of your mind where you are free to associate,bond,imagine and fantasize without any limits to the level of your imagination!
But you know what! The reality is a little bit different,its never the same “easy as a cake walk”stuff in the real dynamic world. What I mean is people do fall in love and a lot of them do. But what hurts is the way,being in love has changed. Today only a rare, lucky ones find and hold on to their true love in their partners,some still luckier take it to the next level and become life partners but in a society as traditional and conservative as ours, for many of those who are in love,being married is still a distant dream come true when it asks to be brought to the notice of their family,the results running away from home and still extreme couples committing suicide for their love….
Cant things change a bit,cant parents give a hearing to their own children in matters of love? Cant the children think about the plight of their parents after their death? I believe all this will change but will take a long long time from now.
Hey wait wait! Are we not forgetting another class of lovers the doomed class!! Shocked reading doomed?? Well sorry I tried hard but failed to find a term more pertinent to call to those persons for whom reasons yet unknown; falling in love itself was a sin altogether!
Why am I saying so? Because being in love no longer remains a pleasurable thing to be happy about, as it used to be once upon a time. Nowadays it seems to be more of pain both physical and psychological, why else would one see break ups and affairs on a regular basis at college,do you think breaking up is easy, no its not! if you have ever broke up with somebody you will know better, not for the girl or the boy also. Things are alright until limited to not more than breaking up and moving on with respective lives; it becomes worse when love turns revengeful and then the consequences are both undesirable and frightening.

These days not only news channels and news papers, every media seems to have a story of extremism in love to tell!! The victim in most or all cases the girl,lady, her fault?? She walked out of a relationship saying she wasn’t comfortable so she doesn’t deserve to live!! She rejected me for another guy so she is so proud of her beauty,throw acid on her and let her live a cursed life ever after. Such stories are not framed out of imagination but are witness to the horrible plight of people in love.
Its not that it’s the females always who have to bear the torture, maybe we come to know their story because they in general have the benefit of public backing and support,and in a male dominated society as us,the guys dont come out of their sufferings in love for fear of being bullied around if they share their grief, still a stronger reason being it would hurt their male ego and pride….
Thinking all these things and many more such issues, I am scared, sometimes feeling sorry for the victims of such unjust violence in love and at other times being thankful I wasn’t born a girl in the first place..
With of all these turmoils in my mind I find myself being brought back time and again to the same old question when I hear them say: they were supposed to be in love or it is the result of love! Is This Love???